Animated Atrocities 134/Transcript
Well. This one was a long time coming. Today's Family Guy review is going to be a very special episode. I say that like it actually means anything anymore, because EVERY Family Guy episode that I review is one of their VERY special episodes. Because ever since "Not All Dogs Go to Heaven", they're almost all universally awful! It's almost like a show about sadistic people being assholes to each other shouldn't try to have these heartwarming moments and lessons, and instead, spend their time and energy into actually being funny. You know, I-I actually don't think that's a good enough explanation into why Family Guy's "heartwarming" episodes almost constantly bomb. Shows like Rick & Morty, and South Park have successfully pulled off heartwarming and tearjerking episodes, despite the fact that their worlds are shitholes inhabited by shitholes. Maybe the issue is that Family Guy specifically keeps bungling it up! They try to make an episode about how men can be sexually harassed, and they end up saying that it's ok for a woman to rape a man if she's lonely; they try to argue for atheism by saying that God doesn't exist because Meg is ugly and she has a shit life; they try to make Meg seem strong in "Seahorse Seashell Party", but they say that she's only strong because she's a lightning rod for abuse and that it's a good thing to stay in abusive relationships for your abuser's benefit. Then in the episode immediately after, in their "special" about domestic abuse, they say you're not really a woman if your a victim of domestic abuse. None of these were meant to be funny, or at the least, they weren't conveyed that they were supposed to be. There wasn't an ounce of sarcasm or a tell that any of this was a joke. They played up the heartwarming music with characters going through an actual arc, determined to teach them the lesson that they got. And each... and every time, they fucked it up! In such horrific ways! So many people tell me that Family Guy is just a comedy, and I should "leave it alone because it's just trying to make people laugh! That's all its doing! Family Guy never hurt no one!" But in almost every episode that I reviewed, it goes on and on about how it wants to be taken seriously. The only exceptions are what? "Herpe the Love Sore" and "Fresh Heir"? And if you want to judge those as a comedy well no. Just no. They're fucking awful. And "Herpe the Love Sore" tried to have its heartwarming moments anyway. The reason that Family Guy can't do heartwarming moments is because ALL OF ITS CHARACTERS ARE HORRIBLE!! I don't mean that they're horribly written -- although many of them are -- I mean that they're all horrible people! For some reason, they keep writing the sex fiend Quagmire, who doesn't give a shit about what the other person thinks in the scenario, and is the epicenter of like every STD known to man, yeah they keep writing him as the hero and the person we should give a shit about! We should give a shit about Peter, even though he's a moron who's a danger to everyone around him. We should give a shit about Herbert the Pervert and how heroic he can be, even though he wants to have sex with Chris, who is a teenager. A young ''teenager! Stewie is, or rather was, an evil genius with plans of world domination. Let me put it this way: If Jeff wasn't killed in his debut episode, in a second episode we'd be delving into a heartwarming story about the fact that no one seems to like him, and how he could possibly resolve this issue. And the answer would be people just need to tolerate him a little bit more. If Frollo was on this show, we'd get a Valentine's special where we're supposed to care that he couldn't seem to find a date! One thing that Family Guy does not seem to understand on any level is character sympathy. They do seem to understand that without any negative traits, you've got a Mary Sue. And they seem to know that those are almost universally despised. However, on the other side of things, there are certain acceptable negative traits that an audience will accept and sympathize with, and some that they won't! You cannot make Peter Griffin sympathetic: No matter how much he cries, no matter how much the world makes him suffer, no matter how much he acts like a toddler. Because he's a danger, and an asshole, and an abuser. And the world would honestly be better without him. And every scene he's in constantly proves this! But he's nothing compared to the worst character on the show, Brian Griffin. I've made it known that Brian Griffin is one of my personal most hated characters of all time, if not my ''most personal hated character of all time. And it's strange because he's not a villain. Hell, he's not even dangerous as Peter, or even Quagmire. He's just an asshole! A pretentious asshole who doesn't have a clue about the world around him. He's arrogant, he's hypocritical, he's preachy, but I wouldn't call him dangerous, at least not on a grand scale. Personally, yes, if Brian Griffin is in your life, it will be much, much worse. I guess it doesn't help that the episode starring him happened to be the worst of the show. And Season 12 was definitely not a good season for this character. In "The Life of Brian", they killed him off in one of the most forced displays of sadness that I had ever seen. Then, 2 episodes later, they brought him back! And the rest of the season would go on to show that that was the wrong choice in almost every feasible way. Not killing him off, but bringing him back! Soon after being brought back from the dead, he gave his best friend in the whole wide word herpes! For no reason, with no thought, with no reluctance! But that's ok because he's Brian Griffin! And it's ok because Brian Griffin learned that he had to spend more time with the person that he gave herpes. Because Brian Griffin is Brian Griffin! And the world bends to his will and he can do no wrong! At least that was a far better display than his behavior in today's episode "Brian's a Bad Father". This is not a good episode. It is one of the worst written stories that I have ever seen on the show. The humor is almost nonexistent in this "comedy" show, and it shows Brian at his absolute worst. You wanna see, kids? Maid: '''No, no, no, no.... Too bad! We're doing this! The episode starts with Peter and friends hunting. Because Peter's a dumbass, he accidentally shoots Quagmire with a gun. Because he accidentally left his safety off. '''Peter: There. See Quagmire, safety's on. Now this is a gun without a safety. gunshot Quagmire: Aaah! Peter: Quite the difference, huh? Quagmire: Dammit, Peter, you son-of-a-bitch, you shot me! No wait. I'm thinking of Peter written properly. In the earlier seasons. In this episode, he actually had his safety on, but when Quagmire showed even the tiniest bit of concern that a loaded gun was aimed right at his chest, Peter took the gun, took the safety off, and shot Quagmire in the arm to prove the safety was on. And Peter's subplot is about him trying to become friends again with Quagmire! And, please, tell me why I, as an audience member, should want Quagmire to become friends with Peter again. "Because he's Peter!" or "Because he's the main character" is not an acceptable answer. Assuming that your main characters are in the right, just because they're the main characters, seems to be the biggest sign of seasonal rot in any show! Peter's entire plotline is about how he's too much of a dumbass to have any friends. Going so far as to make you wonder why Joe and Quagmire ever wanted anything to do with him to begin with! But let's talk about the real episode. It starts pretty awfully actually. You see, it starts with a plain view of an actual piece of shit! Sorry, I mean Brian Griffin. I confuse them a lot! He starts this episode pretending to be a writer. And let me tell you, having actually published something since the last time I reviewed a Family Guy episode, hearing all of Brian Griffin's dialogue just gives you an extra layer of being pissed off! Brian: A writer who inherits a magic typewriter that writes for him. But then it turns out the typewriter... is racist? Totally makes sense: older technology, older worldview. It's like someone pretending to know how to do your job when they have absolutely no clue whatsoever. It's constantly listening to that for me. He gets a call from his son, Dylan. If you don't remember, in Dylan's first episode, Brian said that he'd always be there for him, and then he never mentioned Dylan again and everyone lived happily ever after. Because everything about Brian Griffin is shit, and any involvement in Dylan's life would've made it worse. Then again, that episode ended with the Griffins getting rid of Dylan to get Brian to stop acting like a jackass. Much to their surprise, after that episode, Brian acted more and more like a jackass in each subsequent episode. And now we're at the sequel no one wanted or asked for! What you need to know is that in that episode, Brian actually ended on good terms with Dylan. Because back then, Brian Griffin was generally a good person. In this episode, he starts by wanting nothing to do with Dylan, because Brian Griffin is generally a bad person. Brian: Oh crap. It's Dylan. Stewie: Dylan? Your son? Haven't heard you mention him in ages. Brian: Yeah, I-I decided to step away from the whole situation. If you didn't hate this character before, well, you're in for a downward spiral, I tell you what. And if you've got your own family issues of any kind, I can imagine that this episode is legitimately hard to watch in its own right. Brian wants to ignore the call because he's an asshole, but Stewie answers it for him. Brian continues to try to ignore Dylan, because he's an asshole, but Stewie won't let him. Tom: Coming up, we'll meet a Filipino man who actually has a grownup haircut. Then maybe afterwards, Family Guy will be able to tell a joke that goes beyond "LOL! Stereotype!" The stereotype "racial humor" doesn't offend me; I just find it incredibly lazy. It's like a little kid's first attempt to be edgy. They never do anything with these jokes; they just show the stereotype and let it sit there like a wet fart. Brian says that there's nothing to be gained from trying to reconnect with his son, because he is a sociopath. Like, I actually am not joking when I say that Brian Griffin is a sociopath. He has all the textbook symptoms. Let's run down the list. # A superficial charm and good "intelligence" - Sociopaths pride themselves in seeming smart, even if they're not really. # Sociopaths are unreliable - Like abandoning and never mentioning your son for years on end. # Untruthfulness and insincerity - Like not being sorry that you've abandoned and never mentioned your son for years on end. # A lack of remorse or shame - Like when you infect a baby with herpes and you don't seem to give a shit. # Poor judgment and a failure to learn by experience - For example, Brian's writing skill only seems to degrade over time. And he never seems to get the idea that he's a piece of shit. In his love life, he never really learns to treat the other person as an actual person, no matter how many times it bites him in the ass! Speaking of which, # An impersonal sex life. # Failure to follow any life plan - Brian's a writer who don't write. # Unresponsiveness in general interpersonal relations. And it just goes on and on. Like, I know that it's tacky to diagnose fictional characters with mental illnesses, but Brian Griffin does really have every single symptom in a textbook way. It would actually be pretty impressive if, you know, it was done intentionally! Dylan is apparently starring in a Disney sitcom that's come to Quahog. Because Disney is known to film many of their sitcoms in Rhode Island, and not in LA or Orlando, where they actually have studios and the connections to put together a live-action television show. This immediately gets Brian interested in his son's life. Then Stewie follows up a joke with this. Stewie: Oh, that dog of mine! That's Mike Drunkbeater. Look it up on the internet. Chorus: Family Guy! We've been on for years! You're mocking me, aren't you? Because there's no way I can't take that as insulting. So immediately, in their first meeting, Brian asks to be a writer on Dylan's show. You know what? Let's do something new. Let's talk about deleted scenes. You see, this is one of the benefits of buying a DVD: you get all kinds of bonus content. Commentaries, making ofs... I find that they all give me fascinating insight to the creative process. The Family Guy DVDs are actually pretty packed with content. For one, all 3 of the discs in the set have a picture of Vinnie on them, which is like, one more than the episodes he actually starred in. But, beyond that, each episode has their own deleted scenes. Most of the deleted scenes are jokes that were determined not funny enough to put in the actual episode; one of them is Bonnie trying to pay for things with Joe's shit. However, I think they got a little too cut-happy in this episode. In one of the deleted scenes, Brian and Dylan actually talk things out a bit at the diner. It's not much, but it takes some time for Brian to go straight to being a writer on Dylan's TV show. Brian actually says "Sorry" at the start of it, and he puts himself in a place of vulnerability. Dylan: Look dad, when we reconnected after all those years, I thought things would be different. But then you disappeared all over again! Brian: I know and-and I'm sorry. It-It'll never happen again, I swear. Look, I-I want to make up for that lost time now if you'll give me one more chance. Dylan, will you let me be your father? Dylan: Yeah. I'd like that a lot. Brian: Oh terrific! You know, this day actually turned out all right. After that, Brian and Dylan spend some time together, going shopping for barbeque, getting ice cream. There is constantly the air that Brian is doing this to get a writing position, but he also mentions in these scenes that it's been years since he had a writing job. And the excuse he ends up using is that the showrunners aren't giving Dylan his best work and making him look like a fool, which makes Dylan seem a lot less like an idiot. Dylan: But I wish we could hang out more. But I gotta get to the set. Brian: Set? What set? Oh-oh right! The TV thing! Oh god, I-I hate for our father-son time to end too. You know what? I-I could come with you. Dylan: That would be great! I'd love to have you there! Brian: All right! Great! Let's do it! My afternoon's totally clear! I can only assume that they removed these scenes to make Brian look more like an asshole, and more obviously so. Which, in the end, makes the episode worse! It makes the story worse, it makes the characters worse. It completely destroys the heartwarming moments that they were going for in the end. And these scenes that they did decide to use to substitute, they're not funny enough to sacrifice all of this. I get the title is "Brian's a Bad Father", but that's not a selling point. It's like they're trying to make a case to prove this, but to what end? Brian's a bad father. So what? That's not a story. TV: We now return to "Saving Private Ryan". Brought to you without commercial interruption by Mazda. This scene is totally pointless. I just wanted to point out that the announcer said that they were returning to a movie that didn't have any ad breaks! It's called editing! You should probably do it sometime! Then again, considering this episode's deleted scenes, maybe you should stop editing altogether. 100 more of these tiny moments is pretty much worth having an intact story! I also wanted to point out this. Peter: Joe Pesci thought we were talking to him 'cause his name is Joe. Oh you don't know who Joe Pesci is, because you're 14. Ok, I am going to take this scene and I am going to save it for later. You know it's good when I have to do that! Back on set, Brian immediately gets to work introducing himself. Brian: Hi guys! Yes, I am that Brian Griffin. You probably have my novel. Well, my cabinet was a little wobbly and it was just the right size to balance things out. You know, couldn't have too much content between the pages. Although, I-I will admit that it's starting to smell like the shit that it is. Basically, this whole scene is Brian being arrogant and being a shit writer. It's not really funny because Brian isn't the kind of character whose humor gels well with the rest of the show: it's a lot more slow-paced, it uses much more obscure references, and it drags on and on. And unlike with some of Peter's jokes, there doesn't seem to be any self-awareness. Hell, half the time, like here, I don't think it's trying to be funny at all! And, as I said, as someone who is an actual writer, Brian's lines just give me another level of cringe altogether. Meanwhile, Joe picks Quagmire's friendship over Peter's friendship, because Peter is an asshole and he deserves to lose everything that he ever had. Peter also ends up giving an infant a blowjob. Peter: I love Suzy more! C'mere Suzy! Uncle Peter's gonna give you a raspberry! "raspberry" Quagmire: Peter, that's not where you do a raspberry. There's a point when shocking becomes sad and desperate. Unfortunately, that happened back in Season 9. This is just "What are you doing with your life? Is this something you're going to be proud of for years to come? Are you going to tell your kids you wrote this joke? Are you gonna laugh about it a decade from now?" I mean, this episode is actually so bad, it's almost like Brian Griffin wrote it. You know, on second thought, this episode could actually work if that was like the twist ending. It'd be fucking amazing if that was the case. Dylan: Hold on, other kids. Maybe they just recognize that nothing can protect us from the tedium of our mundane live. Aren't we all on bikes without helmets? Sometimes, I just want to put this gun in my mouth. So this gets Brian fired because he doesn't seem to realize that he's writing a Disney sitcom, and not The Walking Dead! Brian goes to complain to Dylan. Brian: Oh, by the way, are we all getting those backpacks with the name of the show on them? Dylan: You know what, Dad? I'm starting to think that you've just been using me to advance your career. Peter: Oh you don't know who Joe Pesci is, because you're 14. It's amazing! They know who they're appealing to, they how to appeal to them, but they can't write people in the target audience for shit! Dylan is some next-level stupid. There's teenage stupidity but, no, Dylan is next- level. Maybe if we got his side of the story and actually saw that he had some kind of care or an attraction for Brian, like the deleted scenes led me to believe, then his actions would be more sensible. But no, Brian walks into his life, as soon as Dylan has his show, immediately asks to be a writer, changes stuff haphazardly... Brian: You should be! You know, art is scary! This is writing, man. The viewer wants to be raped! Exec: Are you saying my 9-year-old daughter wants to be raped? Brian: Now you're asking the right questions. Now you're being creative, thinking outside the box. Take what you think you know, and go a different way with it. And only now Dylan is realizing that something might be amiss. Also, this is probably just a me thing, but I hate parenthood stories like this. You know, when the writer doesn't think of the child or teenager in the situation as an actual fucking person! This child has a mental illness so we can learn what a struggle it is to take care of a child with a mental illness; never mind the struggles that the child itself has to deal with. The child is incredibly stupid so the parent can learn not to take advantage of them; the child is overly sweet so the parent seems more like an asshole when they beat the shit out of them, or make the custody battle seem like it has a higher stake; or the child character flat-out dies to give the adult character motivation. Fuck, imagine degrading any other demographic to the stereotypes to give the main character who is not in that demographic similar motivation. Then again, I am reviewing Family Guy, and it sounds right up their alley. Like, if this was more frowned upon, which it probably should be, they'd be doing this on purpose. This kind of story doesn't work because it puts the focus on the character who has less hardships and goes through less turmoil. Just because I have the good graces to be an adult and closer to the assumed target audience. "Our target audience is adults! So we don't have to give a shit about how we write kids or teens!" It's just like "Our target audience is men! So we don't have to give a shit about how we write women!" It's the same basic problem. Dylan: God, you're a terrible father. Hey! Dude! The line was, "Brian you're a bad father". It's the fucking title of the episode! I thought you were an actor. Immediately after this 4-word speech, Brian realizes that he made a bit of a whoopsie daisy. And I don't believe this. At all. It happens too quickly; if Brian could figure it out this quickly, it's something that he always knew and just didn't care about. And it's even worse because he starts feeling sad exactly when it's impossible for him to get his job as a writer again. Then we have an overly long gag where Brian steals all of the food. You know, a Dad Noises joke. Because everyone loves them so fucking much! I get what they're doing: they're trying to stop the episode from feeling too sad. But all this does is kill the mood. If you want us to feel for Brian at all, and considering the ending they do, you can't have him act immediately like an asshole as he's feeling sorry for himself. I don't feel sorry for this character; he deserves all the shit that he's gotten! Brian: Stewie, I just feel so awful about what happened with Dylan. I mean, every terrible thing he said about me is true. He said one thing. Literally one thing! He said you're a terrible father, and that you might be using him to get a job on the show. That is it. You really don't edit your scripts, do you? That would be more believable if you weren't planning to use Dylan from the very beginning! In this half of the episode, it seems like Brian never thought of doing that at all, and it just kinda happened over time. It'd be more believable with the deleted scenes, but fuck we don't need that! Brian keeps talking like he got the dressing down of a lifetime, but Dylan barely said anything. Honestly, it's actually confusing. I know that multiple writers usually work on the same episode, but it feels like they weren't even talking to each other in production. And if you collaborate, communication is everything! Either Brian is lying, like the sociopath that he is, he's talking about another event that we didn't see, or this is the ending of an alternate universe version of this episode and we got some kind of paradox shit going on. After Brian makes one failed attempt into the studio on his own, he enlists the help of Stewie in his Zach disguise. But Brian isn't the only one who is sad about being an asshole, even though he has no intention of stopping being an asshole. Peter: Hey Lois, if I was gonna kill myself, do I slit my wrists this way, or this way? Meg: Sideways for attention, long way for results. Lois: Meg's right. Peter: Ok, I'll be in the garage. Originally, I wanted to make a "what the fuck" expression or a disgusted or angry expression, or go extremely over-the-top. But there's no expression that I can make that is sufficient enough to convey my current emotions. Can we play the clip again, please? Peter: Oh you don't know who Joe Pesci is, because you're 14. 14 slowly each time Yeah, these two goes back-to-back, from the same episode by the way, make me wonder what the fuck am I supposed to think?! Did you not consider that this might have been the teensiest bit of a problem? That this could do some serious legitimate harm? Or, barring that, did you not think that it would look OBSCENELY BAD ON YOUR PART?! "We know our show is aimed at 14-year-old teenagers, a demographic especially prone to depression and cutting, so we're going to tell them how to do it whichever way they want!" I'd call this the worst joke that I had ever heard, but it isn't even in the league where I could consider it a joke. It's certainly not funny on any level. Are you really that DESPERATE to shock that you'll tell impressionable young people how to hurt themselves? After this review, I am probably going to burn this DVD set. Sure, all but one Family Guy Season 12 episode is the worst kind of awful, and I can get plenty of reviewing material out of any of them; "Christmas Guy" especially. But I do not want to have this DVD set in my possession! And I have the 2010 Cinematronic Alice in Wonderland DVD in my possession, and I'm pretty sure that that's possessed by a demon. At least, whoever made that, had the good sense to, you know, think about what effect they might be having on the world. Family Guy. People. Do. Listen to you. Stop pretending that they don't! If you didn't think they would be listening to you, you wouldn't make episodes like "Screams of Silence". Sure, it's on the individual person to listen, but it's on you to be responsible! And this is one of the most callous things I've ever seen in almost any piece of media. It is that bad! Let's just finish this up. I wanna be done with this fucking episode. "Zach" comes in and gives a heartwarming speech to Dylan that I am going to tear to shreds. Dylan: How do I know he won't just hurt me again? "Zach": You don't. You never know that. But, isn't taking a risk better than not having a dad? theme Hmm. Considering the candidate in this particular instance, I'm gonna have to say... no. I'm gonna say no, and yes, that is my final answer! Brian doesn't deserve Dylan, the blank slate that he is, because Brian has done nothing to prove that he deserves Dylan in his life. And no, self-pity doesn't earn you jack shit. Give me one reason that Dylan's life would be better -- hell, give me one reason that Dylan's life won't be WORSE --'' if Brian was involved in it! "Dylan is Brian's son", sure, but what does that really mean? It meant that Brian had a one-night stand with somebody he didn't give a shit about and took advantage of, and abandoned all responsibility. Like, this speech here: it would work and make sense if Dylan was the victim of parental alienation, or a harsh custody battle, or an accident, or lying, or, hell, if Brian didn't use Dylan selfishly for his own ends and nothing else! Without consideration of Dylan at all! Just because Brian is biologically related to Dylan doesn't mean jack shit in the end. It doesn't mean that Brian is any more prone to changing for Dylan. "But because this is a story about parenthood, the child or teenager's ending means fuck all! As long as the dipshit adult gets his happy ending." I mean, Dylan being at the mercy of being tugged emotionally by Brian for the rest of his life sounds like a perfect story of family fuzzies. For family to mean something in the story, it needs to matter to ''Brian! Before he screws things up! Brian needs to go through more hell for me to care, for me to not feel insulted by this. The only value that Brian ever prescribed, to being in a relationship with Dylan, was getting a writing gig. Or feeling sorry for himself and thinking that he was a terrible person. It had nothing to do with Dylan at any point. Or, better summed up by Quagmire: Quagmire: Your offer means nothing, Peter. The only thing that means anything to me is a bullet in your arm. STOP. PUTTING. THE WORDS OF THE AUDIENCE. IN THE MOUTHS OF SEX OFFENDERS! IT IS INSULTING AS ALL HELL!! In the episode where Quagmire realizes that a character won't change, no matter how much they talk and say sorry and feel self-pity, it's assumed that a character will change immediately after the barest blip of self-pity. A bottle of alcohol in someone's hand does not mean they feel an extra amount of self-pity. Brian's an alcoholic; he'd be drinking whether or not Dylan wanted nothing to do with him. And speaking of self-pity, we get our heartwarming ending. Brian: Dylan? Dylan: I went to your house and Chris told me you'd be here. Brian: Look, Dylan, I'm-I'm really sorry I hurt you. I've been a bad father, like Ernest Hemingway, or some other great writer. You cannot start a sappy moment like this, with such an annoying display of arrogance; it kills the mood before it even begins. I get that Brian is the biggest poser on the planet, with his monstrous delusions of grandeur, but for the episode to have the effect that it wants, it needs to use the emotional torque properly. And being a pretentious asshole kind of turns the audience's sympathies off. Brian asks for a chance to redeem himself at the end of the episode, and that he wants to be Dylan's father again. AND THEN DYLAN IS NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN! EVER!! ''You know the reason that sparked this whole episode? I guess this is a meta lesson: Don't give people second chances because they don't fucking change! This episode is filled with good life lessons, isn't it? I'm not going to say don't give people or families second chances. I'm not going to say that people in real life don't change. What I am going to say is that you should treat it on a case-by-case basis. Personally, I-I don't expect people to change. Some people do, but that's on them. They've got to want it, and for that, you need to be valuable enough ''to them for them to want to change. And if they don't value you in that way, then they won't change for you. But that being said, most people don't seem to want to change. Brian Griffin does not want to change; he just wants back what he's lost. And learning that skill, severing those who want to change from those who just want back what they lost, is an incredibly valuable, and it's an incredibly important, skill to leading a very happy life, and not being abused and tugged around. There are a lot of Brian Griffins in the world. And remember: your story with them doesn't end with a hug in the sunset. It's the next day, when they're trying to become a writer on your show again. It's the next week, where they force you to defend their actions, and get both of you fired. It's the next month, when they say that they want nothing to do with you again after they've made your life worse. When they've begun ignoring all contact with you because you can do nothing more for them. All I could say is: Fuck everything about this episode. Fuck Peter, for being a dumbass. Fuck this episode for trying to make me sympathize with him. Fuck it trying to tell people -- I'm sorry, specifically 14-year-olds! -- how to cut themselves. And fuck the editing, too. Yeah, remember: this episode has deleted scenes. They actively chose to cut out plot and character CRUCIAL moments, and keep in the scene with Peter and the knife. Fuck this episode for trying to make me sympathize with one of Brian's more self-centered and sociopathic appearances. Fuck the dishonest character moments. And keep in mind that this is literally the 3rd episode that happened after Brian was brought back from the dead. Way to teach us all to be -- what was it? -- grateful for what we have, and be knowledgeable that we can lose it at any time. That was the message of Brian's death and revival, right? Be grateful that your herpes-spreading, kid-abandoning asshole is still around to drink all your liquor and spout pretentious non sequiturs while never having a real fucking job! FUCK THIS EPISODE! AND FUCK BRIAN GRIFFIN!! Next time you get hit by a car, do us all a favor and stay dead! Category:Animated Atrocities Category:Season 5 Category:Transcripts